it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dignity is for republicans.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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