My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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