Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
