I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
me + whiskey = a bad person
My ass is underappreciated
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
