this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
