either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
