Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
