I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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