where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
