So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pants are for mortals
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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