We won't sleep together?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
