Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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