U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
