she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
