If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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