someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
