So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
