your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
