She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
