I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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