ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
