i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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