some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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