Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
