I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
