Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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