nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
