ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
