Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize