She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
