is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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