DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
