It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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