ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
