i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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