So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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