i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
