my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
