I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
