we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think my tv is drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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