I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
