Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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