ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
