There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
