nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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