I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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