It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
