So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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