I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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