so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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