I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
