Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
