Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
