What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
