I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
