She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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