dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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