those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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