chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
