i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
