I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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