Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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