I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
