We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
