I just pynch a tree in the face
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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