I'm going to jail i love you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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