Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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