i just sent this text using only my big toe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
