Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
