If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
