He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
