i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
