I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
